Let Me Go
by Ashlyn Rose
Summary: Her mistake had been thinking that Robin’s love for her was not as strong as hers was for him. So instead of ensuring Robin’s happiness, she had only ensured his quiet torture.


Disclaimer: They don't belong to me…

A/N: Okay, so I've been dying because I haven't had the chance to sit down and write out the next chapter of Do What You Have To Do, but I decided that I needed a break from all my studying… and this is the product. For all of you who have read DWYHTD, thank you so much first of all and secondly, this little story ties into it directly. For all of you who have never read DWYHTD, that's fine too. The story is written in such a way that it can stand alone. It might even make you curious… So enjoy and let me know what you think at the end!

**Let Me Go**

_You won't get to see the tears I cry_

_- Kelly Clarkson, Behind These Hazel Eyes_

The happy bells high up in the church tower sang out six lovely notes as two feet touched down softly in the shadows of the large white building. "One more hour," the figure whispered, her words laced with a hidden sadness. Purple eyes peered out from the dark depths of a hooded cloak as she watched people begin to filter into the house of worship. Some of the faces were familiar, heroes she had encountered during the days when she had been one of them. Most she did not recognize at all. The Titans had moved on and made many more friends, it seemed.

She, on the other hand, had spent the last eight years haunted by the past.

Raven woke up every morning and went to sleep every night asking herself why she had chosen to leave the one place where she felt safe. The answer was always the same, unsatisfying declaration. She had only wanted what was best for her friends, and at sixteen, with a demon attempting to take over her body and other complicated matters to consider, Raven had believed the best thing for everyone would be for her to disappear.

So she had disappeared into the heart of Gotham City where she had simultaneously met Batman and Bruce Wayne, a man who had become the closest thing she ever had to a father. He had helped her back up on to her feet and supported her when she chose to leave Wayne Manor in search of a life that did not involve her being dependent on his money. Somewhere in the back of her mind the realization that it was a Saturday registered, and she remembered that she was supposed to meet him at his house for dinner. They always had dinner together on Saturday nights.

Noticing that the crowd pouring into the church was beginning to die down, Raven decided to make her next move. Her stomach clenched in anticipation, but she pressed on. Placing a delicate, pale hand on the stone exterior of the building, Raven muttered three familiar words and watched as a black portal opened up for her. She slipped through the hole and into a dimly lit hallway, glancing around to make sure no one had seen her.

"Rob, come on man! She's going to be out there before you are!"

Raven jumped and gasped at the sound of Cyborg's familiar voice as it echoed down the hall. Panicking as she heard his heavy footsteps getting closer, Raven lunged for the closest door. She slipped inside, slamming the door shut and leaning against it as she listened for the fading sound of Cyborg. She closed her eyes and realized a nervous breath, only to suck all the air back in again when she heard a phrase she had not heard in eight years.

"Friend Raven? Is it truly you?"

As her eyelids slowly opened and allowed her eyes to look upon the orange alien, Raven had to stifle a groan. "Hi Star," was all she managed to say as she took in Starfire's white dress and the veil that fell gracefully over her face.

"Oh it is you!" Starfire exclaimed. She threw her arms around Raven, squeezing tightly, and Raven managed to hug her friend back. "Wait until I tell everyone you are here!"

A light bulb shattered above the pair as Raven's nervous energy boiled over. "No!" she practically screamed. "No, Starfire. The others can't know that I'm here. You weren't even supposed to know I was here."

Starfire's head tilted as she considered what Raven had said. "But why Friend Raven?" Starfire's innocence had not changed, and Raven suspected it never would.

"I can't say hello only to say good-bye again."

"Then you are not staying?"

"No," Raven said, looking at the growing darkness outside the window. "I'm not a Titan anymore, Starfire. I have a life somewhere else."

"But surely you want to see Robin. The two of you were the best of friends. He was most upset when you left us."

Raven could feel the tears prickling at the edges of her violet eyes. Ignoring the urge to cry, she choked them back and smiled reassuringly at Starfire. "Starfire, I don't want to make any of this harder than it has to be. This day isn't about me, anyway. It's about you. You're getting married!"

A look of pure happiness passed over Starfire's face. "It is glorious, is it not?"

Raven hoped that her face looked happy, because she felt anything but. "You better get going. There can't very well be a wedding without a bride." Raven ushered Starfire to the door, giving her friend another little hug. "Congratulations Starfire. You and Robin will be so happy, I know it."

"I hope to one day see you again, Friend Raven. Fear not, I will not reveal that you are here," Starfire said sweetly. She walked slowly down the corridor and out of sight, never looking back.

Once she was alone, Raven allowed two salty tears to race their way down her face. "Why did I come here?" she muttered into the silence. As if to answer, a familiar tugging at her heart, something she felt only in the presence of a certain individual, called to her from the end of the long hallway. Cautiously, she floated down to the door behind which she knew who was standing.

Robin's thoughts were clouded, and Raven saw herself in many of them. She reached a hand out and placed it in the door, resting her forehead against the cool wood. "Damn it Robin," she whispered, her voice barely a breath, "you were supposed to get over me. I was supposed to get over you…"

_What if_… Raven's mind raced as she reached for the brass doorknob which distorted her image. She could walk in there now, she knew, and he would leave with her. She could feel it radiating from him; the hope that she would appear and everything would be back to how it was. She hesitated, pulling her hand back. She couldn't do that to Starfire, or the Titans. She would not hurt them more than she already had… and how did she really know that Robin was still in love with her? She was letting her emotions impair her judgment.

In her moment of indecision, Raven watched as the doorknob turned on its own accord, and then realized that he was the one turning it. "Shit," she muttered. Quickly, she concealed herself behind a nearby curtain, hovering so that her feet would not be seen. She chanced a glance at his face as he closed the door behind him.

Her heart fluttered annoyingly as she noticed that time had only made him more attractive. His soft edges from boyhood had straightened out, forming a beautiful jaw line. His hair had grown out and now hung, like hers had all those years ago, just above his shoulders and her fingers itched to run through the jet black locks. A familiar mask hid his eyes from her, but she knew that underneath were green orbs flecked with brilliant gold.

She watched as he walked away from her, only following when he was almost out of sight. As she neared the open area outside of the sanctuary, she hid herself again, this time absorbing her body into the wall, only allowing a small portion of her head to remain. He was standing alone, looking down into the depths of an ordinary trash can as if it were going to attack him. He pulled from his jacket pocket what appeared to be torn up pieces of paper and gently turned his hand over so that the scraps fell like snow flakes into the bin. He released a heavy sigh, then turned towards the sanctuary and disappeared inside.

Careful to check that no one was around, Raven left the safety of the wall and moved curiously to the abandoned trash can and the paper inside. Grateful that there was nothing else in the plastic container, she reached in and collected the pieces. She immediately recognized her handwriting and began to fit the sections together like a puzzle. When she realized what she had found, tears once again returned to her eyes.

_Robin,_

_I know you will be angry with me when you realize what I've done, but I hope that you will not remain bitter. Please understand that I have no other choice_. _In time you will come to realize that this is the best thing for everyone… especially you._

_I love you, Robin. I always will._

_Raven_

She remembered writing her goodbye to Robin, knowing that it was going to be insufficient in so many ways. She had known then that she would not have been able to handle a face to face farewell because he would have tried his very best to keep her with him. And he might have found out other things… things that would complicate his life far beyond what a sixteen year old was meant to handle.

Approaching voices, one of them distinctly Starfire's, distracted Raven from her musings. Holding the broken note close to her heart, Raven pushed off of the floor and sailed through the ceiling, finding herself in the balcony of the sanctuary.

"I thought you said you weren't coming."

Raven jumped and spun around to face whoever it was that she had happened upon, explanations already forming in her mouth. When she realized who the other person was however, she released a frustrated, "Br… Batman, I hate it when you do that!" as she crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow in irritation. She looked at the masked vigilante, trying desperately not to let him see that she was on the edge of a complete breakdown.

"Raven," he pressed, a hint of concern in his voice, "I thought you said you weren't coming."

Raven dropped her eyes, running her fingers over the paper in her hands. "I wasn't planning on it. I was just out flying… thinking… and I ended up here." She released a sigh. "This is harder than I ever imagined it would be."

"What made you think it would be easy?" Though his face was hidden by a cowl, Raven knew that Bruce had that look on his face that always made her feel as if she had missed something everyone else could see as clear as day. It was the most frustrating look she had ever received.

"I… I didn't think it would be easy, just… not this hard. I need to see this. I need to make sure he's happy. But it's tearing me apart."

Batman offered her companionable silence as the bridesmaids began their way down the aisle. Then, as if suddenly realizing that maybe Raven was unaware of the fact, he said, "You don't really think he's happy with Starfire?"

Raven glared at his back, because he had not turned to her to say this. "How do you know that he isn't? And we're not fighting about this anymore," she added as an afterthought. Her relationship with Robin had accidentally ended up as a hot topic of conversation for the two of them over the years. Both claimed to have the best interests of Robin in mind, and though the fights often ended in Raven storming out of the Manor, she respected what Bruce had to say about his practical son and he respected what she knew about her lover.

"Aren't you the empath?" he continued to press. "Look at him. Shouldn't you know that there's a difference between content and happy?"

Raven did not answer for fear that her angry voice would be uncontrollable and draw unwanted attention. Instead she watched as Starfire made her way towards Robin, and then turned away as they took each other's hands. The minister's voice faded into the distance as Raven traveled back in time to a place where she was going to be the one who held Robin's hands. She had seen a much different future at the age of sixteen. Fate, however, had a different plan for her and Robin. She had been burdened with a secret that no girl should have to face, and she chose not to shackle Robin to the weight.

And he was left with the impression that she had abandoned him. He hated her for leaving, but could not stop loving her. She had felt his confusion when she had stood outside his door not twenty minutes before. When she left, she knew that leaving would, most likely, place Robin on the road that converged with Starfire's and not her own. Starfire was a safety for Robin, and he had admitted that to Raven once before. Her mistake had been thinking that Robin's love for her was not as strong as hers was for him. She had thought that Starfire could replace her hole in his heart, but she realized now that Robin would not allow anyone to do that. So instead of ensuring Robin's happiness, she had only ensured his quiet torture.

Without warning, his voice sounded loud and clear inside her head. _Goodbye, Raven. I will always love you._

And then came his hollow promise to Starfire. "I do." She saw him smile at Starfire, a content smile, and as the alien beamed back, a wave of relief rushed over Raven. This, she knew, would work eventually and Robin would be happy again.

The relief passed and as the newly married couple kissed, the feeling was replaced with bitter loss. She had made her choices for the good of everyone else, forgetting how her own emotions would be beaten up in the process. No longer fighting her tears she looked down at the man she would always love but never have and gave him her blessing.

_I told you it would be the best thing to do for you._

The words traveled from her mind to his, and before he had the chance to search for her, she gave a quick nod to Batman and with a sweep of her arms, flew through the ceiling in the form of a large, black bird.

* * *

"Miss Raven," Alfred greeted as she floated down into the backyard of the Wayne Manor. "How did everything go?" 

Raven smiled tenderly at the old man. "It was as it should have been, Alfred." Her eyes scanned the grounds. "Where is she?"

Alfred chuckled and called in the direction of a small grove of trees. "Miss Alette! Come down here!"

The high pitched giggle of a small child could be heard as she tumbled out of the leaves of one of the taller trees. She levitated haphazardly over to where Raven and Alfred stood. "I've been practicing!" she proclaimed, a proud smile on her face.

Raven offered the girl a smile, scooping her up in her arms. Alette wriggled at first, but soon relaxed into her mother's grasp. She looked at Raven with eyes much wiser than those of normal eight year olds. "Why are you sad, Mommy?"

The question only caused Raven to hold tighter to her daughter. "I'm not sad, Ali."

"Yes you are. I can feel it." Alette placed her hand on her chest in the area of her heart to emphasize her point.

"Perhaps things were not so perfect today," Alfred mused before moving inside. His statement puzzled the little girl even more and she furrowed her eyebrows in frustration.

"I'm just sad that I missed helping you practice," Raven said, only half lying. Her daughter, the one remaining tie she had to Robin, was her world. She ran a hand through Alette's black hair, and looked into her purple eyes. "I don't like missing stuff like that."

The little girl snorted. "That's weird, Mom. But you can watch me now!" She struggled against Raven until she was free and landed on the ground. She closed her eyes and all in one second changed from a carefree little girl to an emotionless, centered miniature adult. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she began to chant. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." Her body began to float in the air and she brought herself up to Raven's height. "Watch this," she said. She closed her eyes in concentration, and buzzed off into the distance, flying low laps around the gated perimeter.

"Does she ever run out of energy?"

Raven glanced over to Bruce, looking normal in his usual slacks and button-up shirt. "It's a rare occurrence." There was a pause, and then, "You didn't stay for the reception?"

"I don't like crowds," Bruce said innocently. "And my Saturdays, I'm afraid, belong to my goddaughter and her mother." He turned to Raven. "I'm sorry if I upset you earlier."

Raven shook her head, eyes still following her airborne daughter. "No, you were right. But then, what else is new?" she added sarcastically. "Alette!" she called, catching the child's attention. "Come inside, it's time for dinner!"

Alette obediently landed and ran over to where her mother and Bruce stood. Upon seeing her godfather, the little girl leaped, her leg outstretched as if she was going to attack him. Laughing, Bruce caught her by the ankle and held her upside down. "Nice try, little one."

"Hey!" Alette's voice was indignant, but she had a smile on her face. She let out a squeal of delight as Bruce lifted her effortlessly onto his shoulders.

"We'll practice after dinner, alight?"

"Okay!"

Raven lagged behind, watching her daughter and Bruce as they disappeared into the house. This was her life now, and it was not a bad one. She could continue living in this way, with the daughter that was her one true love and Alfred and Bruce, who were two of the greatest friends she'd ever had, and she would be content. She was content knowing that Robin would grow old with Starfire, because she knew that he would always remember how much Raven loved him.

But Bruce had been right, content was a far cry from happy.

* * *

A/N: So that's basically the Prologue from DWYHTD from Raven's perspective, something I've wanted to write for a very long time! What did you guys think? I know I might have tired out the whole content vs. happy thing (I know I use it somewhere in the story), but I think it's appropriate for this whole situation… Anyway, it felt great to write, and I would love to have some reviews! They will keep me afloat in my last week of testing. It's back to the books for me, but I'll be back soon with another chapter of DWYHTD! 

Oh, one more thing… I really need someone to explain the whole songfic thing to me! Some of the fics I've been reading have talked about songfics not being allowed, but I haven't been able to find any details. I'm not sure I quite understand… Can I not even use lines from the song like I've been doing? I'd appreciate the info because I'll have to do some reposting without lyrics if that's true. Thanks!

Ashlyn


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